CrAzY20's...."Holly Scripts"
Thoughts of a Souldier......(Part 4)
Walking down the path to his next stop, The Valley Of The Damned, our Souldier asked himself about all the events to lead him to be the way he was...sort of selfish. "Is it really being selfish for not wanting to share the pain is inside you?" he asked himself while walking down the forest. He remember one of the oracles in his past adventures (a very wise man, a one of his truest friends), who told him that his family blood line carried a curse of sadness, depression, loneliness, and specially....selfishness. He was one of the best hopes to destroy the curse on his blood line, but after all the time that passed, step by step he thought that the path he was following was gonna curse him even more.....for all eternity.
All ofd the sudden everything turned to darkness, out of nowhere he felt lost, without a clue where he was, then looking around he could felt cold brick walls all painted in black. He was inside a long black tunnel..(The Hopeless Tunnel), where the light cannot be found no matter how deep he gets into it to find the light that wiull show him the exit, he was never going to find it. He kept walking in darkness, dropping down tears of dissapoint, and loneliness. Because, all the fighting was for nothing at his point of view. Suddenly a voice inside his heart told him.."You know you can accomplish ur goals, beat ur demons, and be with that special one who is waiting back for you at home, don;t give up, remember that it is a test you must endure to reach our ultimate price, but never forget those who love you and believe in you, that's all that matters, you can save the memory of those who felt in the path of selfishness, and bring back the good name of your ancestors, believe in yourself and have an string will no matter what, good luck...Souldier".
The Souldier started to walk faster and faster, suddenly he saw the light in the end of the tunnel, he reached it, and when he got out....the tunnel vanish...suddenly he realize that his own selfishess was trying to keep him away from hope, and happy memories that were the tools he needed to accomplish his mission, and once again one of those horrible tests was over, his next stop was just straight ahead....The Valley Of The Damned.
Thoughts of a Soldier......(Part 3)
After an awfull trip in The Jungle of Possibilities, The Soldier was about to get into one of the deepest, and horrible parts of the land he was walking on, and all of it was to keep going on with his mission. The Swamp Of Desolation, no other soul who had pain, sadness, and anger in it's heart, was able to pass the swamp without die trying, by the word of many comrads...it was gonna be a hard Test for him. Suddenly, while he was passing the swamp, tears from the sky started to come down, and without noticing at first; the souldier could see in the reflection of the water, and mud.....the ghouls from his past, those people who backstabbed him, and lied to him. Holding his gun tightly, desperation was surrounding him, attacking from every direction inside his heart, and step by step he could feel how the swamp were swallowing him slowly....(why they backstabbed me....why??!!!), in the other side of the swamp, he could see an old cottage where it looked like someone was living in it, or maybe just waiting for him. Thinking about these sad episodes of the past, made him remember what he said the last time in his head" "I will not failed these mission, not again". Using all the power he had in his heart, the souldier swam all the way edge of the horrible and awfull swamp, only to realize that these cottage was total, and complete deserted. Since the tears from teh sky wouldn't stop, he decided to stay inside until next morning; sitting on a dark corner of the cottage, he took of one of the pictures he took of his gurl (It's better to say, the one who was his girl). The day he left her wasn't easy for him to say goodbye, as for her.....he would never know, and the reason it's because he didn't got a call or letter while he was trainning in the service, so he figured that: "Maybe, she probably found someone better, someone who will be there for her when she needs it, someone who will not hurt her, (sobbing) someone....who will be a good man for her.....(crying)". Next day....for some reason the rain didn't stop, but from his eyes there was no more sorrow that will drop, the rain showed him a path leading to another side of The Jungle Of Possibilities, but even from outside of it, he could feel that these path will lead him to a harder journey of pain, suffering. "haven't I suffer enough? How much more Must I endure these hard Test ?" These questions, and more appeared in his mind, but there was no time for those old memories, and after realizing that no ordinary weapon, but his heart was going to be his only ally, he walked straith under the cold dark rain, which felt like knifes falling down the sky, and cutting up his skin. while walking towards he's new path, he said: "I have come these far on my mission alone, I'll will finish these task alone, I will kill the enemy...alone, and then...I will die alone". Meanwhile, back in the cottage, a shadow (with the shape of a girl) appeared from the back of it, and said: "You have to be strong, and please forgive me for everything". The Soldier kept walking until his figured was once again gone from the dark side of The Jungle of Possibilities, during his long walk, he took of the picture of his girl, and threw it away; the only thing he couldn't think was: " I love you with all my heart, please forgive me".
Mr. Salvador CrAzY20
Thoughts of a Soldier......(Part 2)
After a hard battle that lasted for almost a month and a half...The Soldier finally defeated his enemies that came hunting him over the years, a bloody war against between him and the past in the middle of the field of sadness under the rain that felt more like tears coming down from the sky. After a while of being in peace and calm like he should always had been...suddenly a message came to his hands...and old hope came back to his hearts and feeling, it felt like he had recover a lost family member, or like he had a chance to go back to the past and save his sister from death. That "happiness" told him that he had a chance to be back in that "light" and be happy once again....but The Soldier was not stupid to fall down again in the same trap like he did before...He got over a battle almost killed him (the pain that he suffered was like 1000's of knifes stabbing his heart and soul without stopping). But...there's was nothing to do, he felt again into the game...and once again our friend got hurt...only these time he thought about what could happen to him, and he decide to leave home with some weapons to defend himself against the suffering........but just like that another battle started between him and the Sadness/Loneliness...after almost 2 hours he felt down into the ground like a big rock covered in mud, from the sky he could felt how the tears from heaven touched his head and back....and suddenly some of them felt into his mouth and he could taste them....the sky was crying blood. He realized that these time the battle was gonna be a real bloody one, is he gonna survive?.....Only time will say.....but some of these words came into his mind in the middle of the battle: "I had suffer in different ways almost all my life, i being used, torture, humilliated, lied to, and also backstabbed. But, I had survive everything with the only objective to help others like me who are feeling the same way I do.....I will not be defeated, but that doesn't mean that I'm gonna survive, because maybe just maybe i might die in these bloody war, but I'll fight to the end.....For what I believe in, for the people I love, for me, for my life and happiness....I had accepted these mission...and I know it's not an easy one, but I dont care...I know that in the end I will be victorious...". The battle started once again.......and he's still fighting there, and someday he will emerge from the pits of chaos and darkness once again, with the satisfaction of his victory over sadness/loneliness....and with the hope of keep doing his task of seeking happines....till that day comes back again these were his last word...."mission 2 accepted, over and out".
Mr. Salvador CrAzY20
Thoughts of a Soldier......(Part 1)
In some ocassions while the soldier walked under the rain, he thought a lot about his past life, good and bad things. The terrible stuff happened when those horrible moments when his heart broke in pieces once and again invade his mind like bullets aimed to his head while he was walking under the heavy rain (the rain felt like tears of suffering coming down from the sky..). Crying was not gonna solve anything, not even if he wished for it. The only thing that he could do was accept defeat and try to keep going with his life (the rest of shit that happened was just worthless). While he felt the tears from the sky, he also felt another ones coming down from his very own eyes, but it wasn't something that would come to set him free like he wanted, Because the sadness of his dead heart started to come out again with the help of those tears coming from his eyes. These was a huge shock for him after a long time (deep inside he thought that crying was a perfect way to make the bad things go away, but he was wrong!). He continued he's way under the rain, while deep into his own memories those bad thoughts kept coming for him to stab his feelings, at those very same moments he was asking to himself : "why must I remember these?", "is these some kind of test?!". The Soldier kept asking himself these questions over and over again, suddenly his tears stopped, and not because he finally could control them, but beacause he couldn't find an answer to the questions he had into his very own heart and soul, and the sensation of loneliness came back but without memories or reason. The Loneliness came all way deep into his soul telling him these words: "Is better be alone, I know how u feel and I also know that you hate when others say to you that someday, somehow that special one will come to you......no matter what happens in your life You must be strong, I know YOU can do it!", finally the soldier understood what The Loneliness meant by those words, he understood that he was gonna be alone for a very long time, and then all of the sudden he stopped and look to the sky while the rain kept falling....and he said: "Mission accepted".
Mr. Salvador CrAzY20
Sorrow.......
I Guess that lately for some of my brothers, sadness is the only thing in their minds......always something ruins everything for them just like me, and our worlds are consume by the flames of depression and no way to stop it, but we must fight and free our souls from that, or that same paina and anger will pull our towards "Hell" and Darkness......these can be a really hard test for us sometimes, but we must fight back and be free for our own good or perish........ but, is there even a chance to scape from it......maybe or maybe not, I guess is up to us to find out.
There was Pain without hope of healing.
There was life that refused to end.
Long after the mind had begged the body to cease.
And worst there where dreams come true.....
CrAzy20
What am I? Where am I? Who am I?
No one can answer these questions-
Why have I been so afraid to try?
I know if I look It's all there to see;
So I opened one small door to look inside,
And from out of that door a small voice cried,
"have you come to set me free?"
It scared me a bit - Should I close the door?
No, I had to find out whose voice had cried,
Should I step inside and ask the voice to say more?
Perhaps if I took just one small glance inside-
So I peered through the door, but all was dim;
Could I summon the courage to step within-
And find the voice before its echo died?
I Do Believe!!!!
Once I had a conversation with a lette about The Carnival and The FAM, then she asked me two question: Do you feel like ashame of who you are?? Are you ashame of being a NINJA??...The Answer was no!!!(for both). That's because after along time of been kicked when I was down, or been back stabbed, and even been used for the purpose of others....at last I found a real FAMILY where I will never feel different from others and I'll never be alone no matter what. After that conversation I was making some reflections about everything that had happened to me since I came to USA, all of the sudden one of my main stream friends asked me the goddamn question one more time, a question that i didn't want to hear again: Salvador, why you choose tp be like this?! Then again Flashbacks from my past started to get into my head about all the horrible shit that I suffered, and the all of the sudden I answer the question with these words: The only thing that I was before was not me, always trying to get into some sort of groups where I don't belong, or always trying to get into the projects of others (My old bands), but then in the mix of all that I found something, I found the Juggalo Family and The Dark Carnival. Then I realize that i had a new reason to keep going with my life and all thanks to The Carnival and The Wikked FAM, and I can say this over and over again no matter what society think about me....I'm proud of who I am...Who am I??? A Juggalo Called CrAzy 20, a Juggalo who is proud of his FAM and not afraid of how society thinks of my people or me....I admit to all that in teh past i may not be a perfect example as a son or friend, but past is past and who gives a fuck about it?! I don't anymore....beacuse It can make me fall down again and I don;t want that for me or my Ninjas. I will keep going with life in the name of the The Wraith and GOD, if somebody told you that Salvador (ME!!) is trying to give up the carnival or that Salvador is just a poser, well I want to tell you that I'm a Full blooded Juggalo since I came to this world and I will die as one with my AXE making me company 'till The End of my days. I'm ashame of what I did in the past, but I'm not ashame of the things that I done to correct those mistakes...and I'll say this one more time: I'm Proud of who I am.....I'm CrAzy 20 The Juggalo!!!!
P.S. And for society....Say whatever you want to me Fuckers!! Because no matter what I'll always have Juggalo FAMILY.
